Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends

Today has proven itselt to be good thus far.  I was able to hang out and swim with my brother and cousin.. and then bask in the sun for a few hours.  I definitely fell asleep and woke up with a wicked sunburn.  I wouldnt have had it any other way though. :-)

I need to get a game plan together.  Ive been here for almost a week now and I need to figure out what I'm going to do next.  One can't live at home for the duration of their life.

On the emotion front, things are getting better everyday.  My unhappiness is no longer something that shadows over every aspect of my life but more or less a small bush that I keep tripping over.  If that makes sense.  I realize that my happiness has nothing to do with circumstances and everything to do with mindset.  Its up to me and only I can decide whether things in my life affect me in a negative or positive manner.

 

     Haha, wow.  Just when I thought things were TOO crazy to begin with-- they get a little crazier.  I'm just glad I got to see my brother today.  I still don't know where Im going or what Im going to be doing but Im pretty sure it deals with college and Massachusetts (starting in August).
     Ive decided, I do believe, to stick around here until then.  My family needs me right now-- and I need them.  My mom reminded me that my slate is officially clean once again.  I can do or go wherever I want and above all else she just wants me to be happy.  Moving away will be hard on her and the rest of my family but I need to go.
  What it all boils down to is that family is the most important thing any of us have. 

So one day I got a real job.  And one day I had a real house.  And one day I finally realized that life was happening the whole time I was drowning.

         Life is pretty crazy right now.  Ive moved out of my house in Lexington and quit my job-- Im currently trying to decide where I want to go next.  I'm always saying the world is my oyster but, in reality, I dont think I truly know what that means.  Freedom is what I always invision when I say that particular sentence.  Is freedom really what I'm after?  Have I not had this so-called "freedom" already?  I'm young and I have so many options as to what I want to do or where I want to go.  I'm so completely torn and Ive never been more scared in my whole life.  
         I moved to Lexington this past November and essentially I was running away from all my problems.  They werent major problems, by any means, but I have a tendency to get extremely restless staying in one place for too long.   I completely jumped the gun with that one!  I found the first friend that wanted to move as well, and we were off.  Thats when everything got truly crazy, however, all that is neither here nor there.  What really matters is that I am at a point in my life where I want something different. I want to be settled (as my mom says) and do something and stick with it.  I suppose the real question would be am I capable of such a thing?!
         Ive considered Savannah, Georgia, somewhere in the Cape, Massachusetts, Northern California, Maine, Oregon, Montana, and Florida.  I really don't know where I will end up.  All I want is to be happy again.  Someone once asked me if I was truly as happy as I came off as being.  If I found as much excitement and zeal out of life as I portreyed in my everyday life. The answer was yes.  I was beyond happy-- and for no particular reason.  Yes, Ive always considered myself a truly blessed person, but I was happy simply because I was alive.  I found such happiness in the most simple things and situations.  Im still the same person.. only slightly jaded.  I need to find my niche--a new hobby-- perhaps a permament place of residence not involving my parents.  Im 21 and the world is my oyster.  Sigh, freedom, here I come-- once again.

 Cheese should go on everything! :)  Or, perhaps, come as a side to all things food oriented.
It should be taken seriously as a functional food.

Give us hearts to understand;

Never to take from creation's beauty more than we give;
never to destroy wantonly for the furtherance of greed;

Never to deny to give our hands for the building of earth's beauty;
never to take from her what we cannot use.

Give us hearts to understand

That to destroy earth's music is to create confusion;
that to wreck her appearance is to blind us to beauty;

That to callously pollute her fragrance is to make a house of stench;
that as we care for her she will care for us.

We have forgotten who we are.

We have sought only our own security.

We have exploited simply for our own ends.

We have distorted our knowledge.

We have abused our power.

Great Spirit, whose dry lands thirst,

Help us to find the way to refresh your lands.

Great Spirit, whose waters are choked with debris and pollution,
help us to find the way to cleanse your waters.

Great Spirit, whose beautiful earth grows ugly with misuse,
help us to find the way to restore beauty to your handiwork.

Great Spirit, whose creatures are being destroyed,
help us to find a way to replenish them.

Great Spirit, whose gifts to us are being lost in selfishness and corruption,
help us to find the way to restore our humanity.

Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the wind,
whose breath gives life to the world, hear me;
I need your strength and wisdom. May I walk in Beauty